We all have two versions of ourselves, who we truly are and who other people want us to be. In high school, I was pretty outgoing in 9th grade, likely because I was trying to fit in, but as I transitioned to 10th grade, I kept to myself a little bit more. In 10th and 11th grade, I spent more time alone listening to music and one artist I was drawn to was Lauryn Hill. Her music had range and I liked her sound. I couldn’t exactly relate at age 15, but I used to sing The Miseducation like I was feeling everything she was feeling. My favorite parts were the skits at the beginning or end of each song. Lauryn released only one other album, a live album, titled MTV Unplugged No. 2.0 (2002). Most people don’t know about the second album, but I got so into her music and style that I also knew that album by heart, adlibs and all. She had something about her that I wanted to find within myself: confidence, disregard for the opinion of others, and living her truth.
Ever so often, I come across clips of Lauryn’s interviews from her early 20s where she discusses her views on life, childhood, and love. I recently found a full length video interview that gave me more context behind the clips. In this interview from 2000, she was explaining why she had not released any music since The Miseducation (1998). She explained that she had gone from the studio to the stage and back to the studio and while she was creating music, it wasn’t her best. She shared that the thing that made The Miseducation the album it was was substance. The substance in her music was what had me in high school yelling, “GIRLS, YOU KNOW YOU BETTA, watch out. Some guys, some guys are only… about… THAT THING THAT THING THAT THINGGGG!” She gave me music I could feel. Lauryn explained that we can’t just create, create, and create without living. The best creations have substance. Substance comes from experience, and experience comes from living.
As I sit down to start writing almost daily, I find that sometimes I get stuck or I question my own thoughts. After watching this interview, I thought about why this happens and maybe it’s because I’m not meant to churn out pieces of writing for the hell of it. Part of me thinks Lauryn Hill is right. Our best creations come from our lived experiences. For me, creating is writing and living is traveling, reading, and connecting with new people. So in between writing these pieces, I remind myself that I have to live. Living and creating coexist, so that as I gain new experiences, I gain more to share through my writing. In the interview, Lauryn said, “I can’t create and not live. I can’t be in this vacuum of creativity without life.” Right now, I’m living. I’m learning more about my culture. I’m discovering and rediscovering things about myself. I’m reading. I’m connecting with people. I beat myself up about not having found the consistency I want yet, but I’m learning to be patient with myself because life is not linear.
While I am embracing this idea, I also know that consistency is not only what I want, but what I need. There’s a level of discipline that will get me closer to the life I want for myself, so I have to get unstuck, get out of my head, and write still. These two ideas of fueling my creativity through life, yet also wanting to build consistency are opposing in some ways, yet they can coexist. I can create with substance and consistency. I can write without the drama and from my life’s experiences. I may not always release posts on time, but I can still release them.
The journey of life is not linear and I’m not beating myself up for not having it all figured out. I’m holding in mind that I cannot create without living and I want to create with consistency. Those two may not always line up, but they are two beliefs that I hold on to.
Travel Tip #32: Figure out what you believe and hold on to it.
I’m embracing the duality of life and reminding myself that I don’t always have to choose. Two things can be true and they don’t have to add up. What’s more important to me is getting clear on the things that have to be true for me. I am getting so clear on the life I envision for myself that the math doesn’t have to add up for anyone else, but me.
Society has an interesting way of using TV and social media to convince us that we have to conform to the expectations of others, but we don’t. We can just choose to be ourselves. We don’t have to have all the answers, just a few answers to guide us as we find the rest. Get clear on the answers to these questions, adjust your actions to match, and the rest will come.
Who are you?
What do you believe?
What do you want out of life?
Living and creating,
Maila