Growing up, I used the word “I” a lot. I did everything, I figured it out, I solved the problem, I took care of it. (I can’t emphasize the word I anymore because it’s capitalized already, so just read it with emphasis for me.) Everything felt like I was on an island. Even making the decision to move across the country to Texas, I decided to be isolated. There was some intentionality behind it because it helped me grow; I learned to handle car issues, disagreements, mental breakdowns, etc. I now know how to build credit, buy a car without getting finessed, make friends, and build a lane for myself. The part I wasn’t seeing was that, although I wasn’t around my core group of people, that didn't mean they weren’t still with me. [You’re probably thinking, “Okay, but… how?”]
That island I felt like I was on, I built it. When you don’t have family and friends nearby to fall back on, it does fall on you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have your people supporting you the entire way. I handled a lot of my problems on my own, but I called my family and friends almost daily to catch up, vent, and stay in the loop. Some things I did have to figure out completely on my own and that’s called growing, but the truth is I “did everything” because I was taught how to do it on my own. I figured it out because I was taught to think through situations. I solved the problem because I was taught to solve problems instead of create them. I took care of it because I was taught how to take care of myself and others. Everything I “did on my own” I was taught by someone close to me. I’m learning that I am nothing without the people around me who love, support, and teach me.
This line of thought was sparked by a series of posts I saw on Timanni’s instagram @alwaysinpursuit.co. Timanni is a Black woman, who designs women’s suits. I’ve been excited watching her story unfold from the sidelines as she pays homage to her tribe and NOT being self-made. It’s led me to reflect on my perspective.
So the next time I have a chance to give credit to my tribe, I will. Matter of fact—
I wouldn't have the confidence to find and follow my dreams without my mom.
I couldn’t be an independent thinker without my dad.
I couldn’t dust myself off and try again without my best friends.
I wouldn't be open to taking risks without my coworker friends.
I couldn’t find laughter without my siblings (GANG).
I wouldn’t reach the goal of Curl Meets World without you.
Being self-aware is a prerequisite for this blog; it just doesn’t work unless you can be honest with yourself. So the next time you find yourself saying “I” too much, think about who’s helped you become you. Next time you find yourself feeling you’re alone on your journey, think about who/what has prepared you for this part of your story.
Travel Tip #6: Your tribe never leaves you.
I am nothing without my people.
We are nothing without each other.
Before you go, in recognition of Black Women’s Equal Pay Day, focus on the Black women in your tribe and in your life. Check out Timanni’s first suit design “The Possible Collection” releasing August 15, 2021 in Brooklyn, NY.
Pay homage,
Mai