I’ve been away for a while, and in an effort to fulfill the goals of Curl Meets World, I want to be transparent. The last 6 to 7 months of my life have been change after change after change. At one point, I remember thinking, “What else could there be?” and immediately regretting even asking that question because I didn’t want to know the answer.  

I took each change in stride and handled it as best as I could, but the pressure started to get to me. I was getting easily agitated with myself and with others, over the smallest things. I was masking everything to be supportive for others and perform well at work, so the frustration continued to build. I even had a few moments where I exploded on family and friends. I looked to people for support at times and completely shut people out at other times. One moment I was thinking, “This will all work out on its own, there’s no sense in worrying,” and the next moment I was in full panic mode, with my mind racing.

I felt like no one understood what I was going through and I desperately wanted to get to the point where everything was worked out. While I was going through all of this (and still am), a few different people said some version of this to me, “Life will always have ups and downs, that’s just proof that you’re living.” 

Majority of my focus was on the low points, but I also had some amazing memories. I celebrated another trip around the sun, I built stronger relationships with my siblings, I received recognition at work, I went on my first cruise (more to come on this), I celebrated a friend becoming a Mrs, I took a few solo trips, and most importantly, I lived. This is just to name a few of the high points. Our mind has a way of amplifying the difficult moments to trick us into thinking things are not as great as they are. I so badly wanted to figure out all the changes and setbacks, that I missed the moment to enjoy the journey. I sulked. I cried. I beat myself up for not having it figured out, but looking back on it, I did the damn thing.

Were things hard? Yes. 

Was I tired, exhausted, frustrated, etc. at certain points? Yes. 

Did I cry a lot? Yes.

Did I also have the time of my life? Yes.

Did I do things I love? Yes.

Did I make memories with people I love? Yes.

It’s true that life will have ups and downs, but more than that, life is all about the highs and lows. These are the very things that make us who we are and shape who we will be. The highs and lows are the memories we will share with our children, stories we will reminisce on with friends, and lessons we will never forget. The thing about the ups and downs is that it is all temporary. No matter how low the low is or how high the high is, none of it will last forever. Instead of only riding the lows and the highs, I want to be transparent through it all and enjoy the journey. I want to live and exist in my sweet spot, knowing that this moment, no matter how good or bad it may seem, it won’t last forever, yet it won’t come around again. 

Travel Tip #29: Life is all about the highs and lows, just remember it’s all temporary. 

I could spend more time mad at myself for not spending the last couple months how I wanted to or I could start spending the next 6 to 7 months with a different outlook. An outlook that acknowledges that everything may not be exactly what I want, but it is very likely exactly what I need. An outlook that doesn’t shy away from the low points, but sees them as opportunities to learn, be transparent, and remember that it is all temporary. 

You know I’m good for a journal prompt. Writing is a key part of my healing as it gives me an opportunity to reflect and grow, so I share these prompts as a tool for you to reflect and start conversations with others. This week, tap into your healing and reflect, discuss, write, meditate, draw, create, or whatever works for you. Center your mind on where your focus has been and take this as an opportunity to refocus or adjust your focus. Here’s a few prompts to get you started:

• What have you been choosing to focus on? Why have you been choosing to focus on this?

• Is your focus helping you move forward or holding you back? What do you need to shift?

My favorite part of writing is hearing from you. Share with me your thoughts, reactions, feedback, etc. I read every single response.

Recommitting to transparency, even when it’s messy,

Mai

P.S. I wrote a bit during these months, but it felt uncomfortable to share something that was so unpolished. Here it is anyway, I hope it serves you in some way.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what we have. Like what do we actually have? What can we say is ours? Not much, if anything at all.  If you know anything about my life the past few months, I don’t have many physical things anymore to call mine. I also haven’t had consistent emotional support coming from myself or others. So I’ve been trying to think about what the hell this is supposed to be teaching me and all I’ve come up with is: when we have nothing, we have ourselves. And lately, I haven’t felt like myself either. 

I started this blog “to help self-aware millennials on their own journey be comfortable and transparent sharing where they are and where they are going” and I’m not sure that I’m much of these things right now. Self-aware, I’m not even sure of who I am. Comfortable, I’m the furthest thing from it. Transparent, well, I’m sharing now, but it’s been a while. Where I am and where I’m going, still to be determined. This all feels very unfamiliar and uncomfortable. I’m sharing because writing is my safe space and honestly, we don’t typically share the ugly, messy parts. So today I’m writing for you, and for me. I’m all unfinished and finished at the same time. All in all, this growing shit is hard. I think that’s what’s happening. 

This week, spend some solo time with yourself. Journal your thoughts. Don’t shy away from the ones that are messy and incomplete. Everything is welcomed. Some prompts to get you started:

• When you think of what you have, do you think of tangibles or intangibles? Explain why. 

• Explore something that has been on your mind, yet you haven’t shared with anyone. 

I’m trying,

Mai